Sunday, 23 October 2011

Wax Off Wax On

Every once in while I would become obsessed with one small thing while on board - that set of files needs to be sorted, that book needs to be repaired or some such. On this particular day I decided that the flats in front of the CCR needed to be re waxed.

The procedure that most people used to re wax a deck was to dump some wax stripper on the deck, count to 20 and then remove the sludge with a mop. I decided to go old school on this particular chunk of deck. Hands and knees with a  green scrubby and water. It took me close to an hour, doing 1 tile at a time but it was beautiful. Every last bit of wax was removed. People were afraid to step on it and leave boot prints but I didn't care, I was going to rewash it before the new wax went down.

My next watch - being the long mids, was between midnight and 7am. The ship was relatively quiet, anyone not on watch was in bed. The CCR flats is about 10' long by 8'wide, there is a hatch going down to the next deck, three doors going to offices (two of which were unoccupied at the time) and a door leading the next compartment. I strung a lenght of tape about chest high and put a sign on it saying  WET WAX. Remember that sign.

I wash the deck, and get started. I get a cloth to spread the wax and lay down the first coat. I make each coat very thin so that it dries almost instantly. Putting down each successive layer takes about 5 minutes and I let it sit for another 5 minutes before starting the next one. As I am working people having to go through this area go slowely and ensure they don't step on the deck as one would expect a decent person to do.
Some where about coat 15, this junior officer comes to where the tape and the sign are hanging, ducks under it and steps on my deck, looks at me and says "Oh, are you waxing the deck?"
What was your first clue you fuck tard? Was it the smell of wax wafting in the air? Was it the sight of the wax container you stepped around? WAS IT THE SIGN SAYING WET WAX THAT YOU DUCKED UNDER? I am so glad that some of our leaders can pick up on these clues so readily. As it was, I was just beginning a new coat so he stepped on a dry spot and didn't damage the work I has been doing. The fuck tard left the area without another word.
An hour and 10 coats later I decided it was enough. Man that deck gleamed. I got everything put away and was just getting ready to wander away when the XO approached the door where the fuck tard was, put his foot down and yanked it away - thinking the deck was still wet. His reaction to my deck made the whole exercise worth it. Over the next few weeks I got several requests to do the same to other chunks of deck but none of them came with the appropriate enticement attached

And that is Wax Off Wax On

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